07/18/2005 - 6:37 AM

I (sort of) unintentionally ruined a perfectly good night last night for Matt, Malcolm and our NYC guest. All three of them approached me yesterday, asking if I would come along to the dinner that they originally planned for Matt. After saying no several times (I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me because I didn't have a similar situation set up), I finally consented.

Here's where it all goes wrong...I went with the best of intentions, but several factors caused me to forget that the people I was with actually give a damn about me:

-"My friends" (not that the guys there last night weren't my friends) didn't plan anything like this for me. That thought stuck with me throughout dinner.

-The restaurant just wasn't my style. I feel like a fish out of water anytime I eat at a restaurant where the cheapest entree is over $20. I had a Caesar salad, and I couldn't even bring myself to enjoy that.

-I'm stressed and tired. I should be getting caught up here at work, but there's so much to do, I feel like I'm shutting down. Sadly, it seems to be affecting me outside of work, too.

-My mom called yesterday afternoon and told me that she's got diverticulitis again, and that she may have to go into the hospital to have part of her colon removed, jeopardizing her chance to be here for the ceremony.

-The memorial service for our minister's husband was still on my mind. Go figure.

-Did I mention I'm cheap? If I had eaten and drank the way everyone else had, it would have added an extra $70 to the tab (which I know wasn't planned for).

So I just sat there and stared at the menu board while everyone ate, pitifully pulling attention to myself where there shouldn't have. And to top it off, Doug sent me an e-mail last night that I got this morning inviting me out for a pre-ceremony dinner. Am I a heel or what?

So two more days of work, and then three days to get everything squared away. There really isn't a lot to get squared away, but you never know what's going to pop up. I'll just be glad to get a few good night's worth of sleep under my belt. Maybe I'll stop feeling sorry for myself along the way, too.

What I'm Listening To: Kelly Clarkson - Behind These Hazel Eyes

First Word That Comes To Mind: moron

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