08/27/2003 - 3:06 PM
I'm feeling a bit drained physically and emotionally right now, so I don't know how readable this is going to be, but I'll give it a shot. Had lunch with Ted, and in the course of catching up (we do lunch once a week or so), he told me that Cedric had made some less-than-flattering comments to Ted's boyfriend Derek. No surprise...I've become used to hearing about these barbs thrown behind my back. It�s just very unsettling to me. I really try to lead a life that remains above that chaos, but that�s not always possible.Matt and I had a LONG talk last night about all the drama, and it actually got a bit heated at one point. He says it was inevitable that a little of the negativity of this situation with Cedric and Malcolm would spill over, but we communicate pretty well, so we just worked through it.
The main thrust of the conversation was my concerns about how I should handle all of this, and I�m a little confused about where he�s coming from. I think it�s a little more complex than this, but the general drift is that he wants to do the �Christian� thing and continue to act cordial toward Cedric without going out of his way to actively include Cedric in his life. As noble as that sounds, I think he might be giving the boy a little too much slack, although I might not be as forgiving as Matt, too. If someone constantly disparaged Matt behind his back, and I knew about it, I doubt I�d be able to be civil to that person�s face, much less cordial.
I�m sure part of the reason he�s doing this is to help keep things level with Malcolm, and I respect him for looking out for a friend. However, I get the feeling that Cedric actually likes the fact that my boyfriend is still talking to him, despite the nasty things he says about me. And I will admit here that it DOES bother me, but I can�t force Matt to not be friends with someone, either. This shouldn�t be a matter of us vs. them�who wins in that scenario?
In other news, work is still stressing me. Maybe if I got this desk completely cleared, I wouldn�t have that issue. Or maybe if I got a new boss�
What I'm Listening To: Counting Crows - A Long December
First Word That Comes To Mind: tension
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