01/18/2004 - 6:34 PM

Headed to see Kris in an hour for a long-overdue massage and spiritual recharge. Much is lingering with me right now, but I can't seem to shake these bits of insight free from my brain. One thing I keep "meaning" to do is attempt to start meditating. I talked to Kris about this the last time I visited him (approx 6 weeks ago), and he was very informative about how I should start out. However, with the holidays and all, I just have not been able to find the focus or clarity to get to that happy place. That, and I have been a master at finding every reason NOT to attempt that.

Matt's in a funk because he got his transcript from his undergrad work, and found his final GPA wasn't as high as he thought it was. He's concerned that this will be a deal-breaker with most schools, and although what's done is done, it's understandable to be disappointed. I'm disappointed in the fact that I had to ask what was wrong, rather than him just tell me.

Speaking of not talking about what's going on, recently I've started to become concerned about the sexual aspect of our relationship. Matt is an amazing guy, and I can definitely see the two of us together for a very long time, but the sex is not satisfying for me, and our conversation from last summer about this has not been acknowledged since. I told him back then that if we hadn't at least looked at expanding horizons at the one-year point, I'd be concerned. And here we are, coming up on 10 months, and he hasn't even attempted to address it once since then. I'm wondering how I should approach it, but I know it needs to be approached, or it will just fester and cause resentment on my part.

Is it just me, or does sexual compatibility never quite seem to link up with emotional and spiritual compatibility?

What I'm Listening To: Just the voices in my head

First Word That Comes To Mind: compatible

What I'm Currently Reading: