01/15/2004 - 3:45 PM

Despite what I tell the people around me, my new job, although cool and a challenge, is not fulfilling to me. The only reason I'm hanging around is because a) my bills aren't going away, and b) there is potential to move into a job that would be more fulfilling.

Now, a revelation...

Okay, maybe not a revelation, but an acknowledgement of something that I�ve known for a while, but continue to ignore. I don�t know what I want to be when I grow up, and at the moment, I don�t feel like I have the luxury of figuring that out.

Finally, a diagnosis�

I lack focus. My life runs away with me, and I can�t keep up. I�ve shut down any shred of vision I may have for the future, with the exception of Matt. And if I don�t deal with the rest of my life, my relationship with Matt will suffer eventually. That is the only definite result in all of this, and it�s one that I cannot allow to happen.

Big stuff we�re playing with here. Big stuff, indeed. Ferris Bueller comes to mind, actually. �Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.� It�s about time that I started to acknowledge that again.

What I'm Listening To: Kenny Chesney - There Goes My Life

First Word That Comes To Mind: fast

What I'm Currently Reading: