09/09/2003 - 9:30 PM
I'm truly freaking out at the moment. Despite the fact that I think I've done a kick-ass job over the past week pulling my shit together at work, I have a bad feeling that I'm going to be fired tomorrow, and I can't the thought, no matter how much I try to. It's an irrational thought...and yet, I have a feeling it's also trying to tell me to RUN as fast as I can. No job is worth the amount of worrying I've been doing for the past week. And yet financial security and two weeks of vacation a year and travel and other perks keep me there, as well as a mortgage, a car payment and other assorted debts. Ugh...the day I confront my career demon is upon me, and I'm kicking and screaming like crazy for it to leave me alone, but it ain't goin' nowhere.Actually, I picture it pinning me down like I used to do to my brother when we were growing up. Poor kid...I used to put my knees on his shoulders and taunt him. It's not like he was Mr. Innocent, but I don't know if anyone deserves that type of psychological beatdown like I used to give to him. I thought it was playful, but I suppose he used to think otherwise. Can't say that I blame him, either.
Matt's back tomorrow, but I probably won't see him until Thursday. He's meeting up with Malcolm for a very short time, since Malcolm is headed to Vegas on Thursday to meet up with Cedric for the weekend. After that, I think he's going to crash and decompress from a long weekend home with the folks.
There's no way they would fire me tomorrow...it's show season, and they've got to have someone there to cover the grunt work at the shows. It would be impossible to train a new person to cover all of that, and just thrust them into this at this late hour. But my boss wouldn't even make eye contact when I told her I wanted to talk about the issues that were raised two weeks ago.
My stomach feels nauseous...this is not good.
What I'm Listening To: John Mayer - Bigger Than My Body
First Word That Comes To Mind: Fired
What I'm Currently Reading:
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