12/06/2003 - 1:39 PM
At the f/t job on a Saturday...it's both good and bad. Bad because it's a Saturday (the warmest day I've been a city for in almost a month, btw), but good because I got the beginning of the week off for my vacation. Bad because I have to work the p/t job less than 2 hours after I get out of here, but good because I'm actually typing an entry while I'm getting paid. Bad because I spent an hour trying to talk an irate customer down from a killing spree, but good because...okay, there's more bad than good. But we trudge on, knowing that I've got less than 2 hours left here.Today is day one of three 15-hour days for me, but I need the money, so I'm not backing out of it. Although I could get someone to cover on Monday, I'm not sure that's the best thing. Then again, not getting sick (I've had this nagging cough for a while) shouldn't be forgotten, either.
It's always weighing options with me, although the criteria changes from situation to situation. Sadly, a lot of my criteria comes down to the almighty dollar, but a lot of that goes back to growing up without money, and waiting for the money I do have to disappear. I'm sure that's one of the reasons that my stomach has been alternating between knots and butterflies for the last month or so. Will I have money tomorrow? Will I have a job? Will I be able to maintain the life that I have? What can I do to fix this? I know it's not good for me, but it's extremely tough to shut the voices off in my head.
Which brings me back to learning meditation, which I have talked about for the last month or so. Kris was able to give me some great perspective on it the other night, including some of the pitfalls that people run into when they start out. Good advice, although he gets a bit more deeper into the meanings and what the achieveable results are (oneness with a higher power, or something like that) than I necessarily need to know. But if that's the path to serenity in my head, then I'm all for it.
What I'm Listening To: No music at the moment
First Word That Comes To Mind: Serenity
What I'm Currently Reading:
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