03/02/2004 - 11:23 PM

My hands clutch my head as I attempt to sort out the thoughts weighing down hard upon my brain. If I told it that I don't have enough time, enough patience, enough clarity, enough of the magic elixir, would it leave me alone? Would it allow me to pass and continue this journey without distraction, without hindrance, without complication?

We already know the answer to that. I KNOW the answer to that. I know too much already. And the fact that I know as much as I reluctantly acknowledge I do disqualifies me from the express lane that only has one on-ramp, one off-ramp, one lane, and no rest stops.

Sometimes I truly envy the people that can do the autopilot without any type of recognizable discomfort. I work with them at both jobs; I interact with them through friends and acquaintances; I see them at the grocery store, the gas station, the mall, in traffic; I know they're out there. It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, where they mingle amongst the general population, just waiting for the right time to pull you in and make the swap. From wide-eyed, sky's the limit, anything-you-want-to-be, idealistic child, to dutiful adult.

This is not supposed to suck, is it? This is supposed to be an enjoyable process...growing, learning, experiencing. They sound good to me, anyway.

Fingertips to forehead, arms clenched to torso, neck beyond knotted up, and a fear that I may not sleep much tonight. And yet I must, because if I don't, I will not be able to function tomorrow.

Now I have that damn Annie song stuck in my head.

What I'm Listening To: I'm not even going to name it...you know already..

First Word That Comes To Mind: Tomorrow

What I'm Currently Reading: