04/15/2004 - 6:50 PM

And then, there's the distraction. I put on some music to kind of reflect my mood, and the first song that plays is Yolanda Adams' "Open My Heart". It's such an amazing song that speaks to a spiritual theme of being "good enough" without being preachy. It's a simple plea to reach a potential, find a focus, and succeed in life on a personal level.

Alone in a room

It's just me and you

I feel so lost

'Cause I don't know what to do

Now what if choose the wrong thing to do

I'm so afraid, afraid of disappointing you

So I need to talk to you

And ask you for your guidance

Especially today

When my life is so cloudy

Guide me until I'm sure

I open up my heart

My hopes and dreams

Are fading fast

I'm all burned out

And I don't think my strenghts gonna last

So I'm crying out

Crying out to you

Lord I know that you're the only one

Who is able to pull me through

So I need to talk to you

And ask you for your guidance

Especially today

When my life is so cloudy

Guide me until I'm sure

I open up my heart

So show me how

To do things your way

Don't let me make the same mistakes

Over and over again

Your will be done

And I'll be the one

To make sure the it's carried out

And in me, I don't want any doubt

That's why...

I need to talk to you

And ask you for your guidance

Especially today

When my life is a little bit cloudy

Guide me until I'm sure

I open up my heart

All I need to do

Is hear a single word from you

I open up my heart

Just one word could make

A difference in what I do Lord

I open my heart to you

I've been going to church almost every week lately, and I'm still sorting through just what that means. My church is a very eclectic Methodist parish, and I absolutely adore the pastor. Her sermons absolutely mesmerize me, and they truly provoke thought and decision, rather than just command and expect obedience. It's about accepting what each person knows is THEIR truth, and recognizing the differences each of us have once we find that truth. Anyone who knows me will recognize that that's like a good-looking cat to Pepe Le Pew. I can't think of anything other single concept in life that resonates more with me than that.

We are all different, and yet there is something that ties each of us to everyone else. Whether you believe it is Adam and Eve, Charles Darwin, reincarnation, or some other power, it's there. No man (or woman) is an island.

*phew* I go on talking about my church, and I get away with not delving any deeper. Maybe I'll write more later, but for now, it's time for a hot bath.

[A postscript...Floodtide mentioned it, and then I realized I was in the same boat. There's a big cry stored up in there somewhere, and it started to come out as I listened to Yolanda. Then Matt called in the middle of the call. He was driving his father's truck over to his sister's house, and he informed me that there MIGHT be a gun under the seat. His impression of his dad informing him of this fact had me laughing so hard I almost started crying again. 48 hours and counting until his return...]

What I'm Listening To: Yolanda Adams - Open My Heart

First Word That Comes To Mind: focus

What I'm Currently Reading: