01/14/2004 - 5:38 PM

Okay...that might be a little dramatic, but it is true. I DO live. Do I feel like I have a life? That's a different question. Life simply feels like it's getting away from me, and that's an old pattern in my life that I constantly struggle with. I allow the events going on to take precedent over what I do, and how I do it. Anything that needs to be addressed simply gets brushed under the carpet, and is avoided until absolutely necessary. Add to that a schedule that just hasn't let up, and some twisted working hours (6:30-3:30 on the full time job 5 days a week, and 5-10 on the p/t job), and John is just not having a good time with his day-to-day life.

Matt is doing well...he's actually in the process of applying to a few schools for graduate work, including one English Lit program at a Southern Baptist university. Part of me hopes that he gets in, since that would mean moving and getting another "fresh start", but I know that would just be running away from the issues that are in front of me currently.

Counseling would be good right now...someone removed from the situation who can be objective and help me work through these issues. I also keep saying I need to try and learn to meditate, but the time I allow myself to be alone and quiet is rare, and that's pretty much a requirement to get to any type of relaxation and introspection. So instead, I remain on auto-pilot, just riding the bumps the best I can, and hoping for the best.

I live...but how well?

What I'm Listening To: The dog barking next door

First Word That Comes To Mind: auto-pilot

What I'm Currently Reading: