01/25/2004 - 2:32 PM

I have always related to the character in the movies that starts out lacking something in his or her life, but doesn't compromise values as they attempt to improve their situation. Throw in a catchy song that hits the right chords, and John just loses it.

I've never understood why this happened until recently, when I started adding up the common denominators. It really makes sense to me now, though. As a kid, I always made sure I never complained about not having the same things that other kids had (except that one time I refused to eat my Dinty Moore Beef Stew, but I plead temporary insanity on that one, as anyone else who had to eat it once a week will back me up on. Mom told me I wasn't getting anything else until I ate it, but after the third meal, she took pity on me, and the hunger strike was a success, but never repeated). I felt like I had enough, even though I knew there was a lot of other stuff out there I would never have.

Somewhere along the way, I did develop the need to be equal, or at least keep pace, with everyone else. I can�t say that there�s anything wrong with that, but sometimes equality can blind you. You can become obsessed with it, and want it constantly, even when it doesn�t matter. If you get upset because someone gets in and out of another checkout line faster than you, there may be some therapy in your future.

Being equal and keeping up have been on my mind a lot lately. Between my money situation slowly putting me behind the eight ball, and the issues of equality behind gay marriages, I feel like a second-class citizen in several ways. However, I truly have no reason to complain. My total expenses for my condo, after mortgage, HOA, and all utilities, come in under $1,000/month, and I am far from poverty.

But it still nags at me. And I�m not sure how to stop the nagging, other than to address it occasionally for what it is.

The trip to NYC was okay, but DAMN it was cold! It was terrific to see my uncle and his partner, and I got to see a friend of Matt�s on Saturday as well. The job portion was okay, but I now have even more reservations about the job after meeting my counterpart in the field. Long story short�he�s a bigot, a racist, a sexist, a homophobe, and a miserable wretch. Not a good combo to have when you�re working with people every single day, but I don�t do the hiring.

Did I mention that it was FRIGID? It was that type of cold that sinks into your body and doesn�t leave. The phrase �I�m going back to Colorado to warm up� has never been uttered with more conviction than it was yesterday afternoon as we walked through Union Square with 20 mph winds creating a wind-chill WELL into negative temps. The past week only reinforced why I left New York State in the first place.

Okay�time for a nap, and then off to the p/t job this evening. But before I go...the concern with Matt is no longer a concern. I'll fill you in later!

What I'm Listening To: Jason Mraz - The Remedy

First Word That Comes To Mind: warmth

What I'm Currently Reading: