08/26/2003 - 10:21 AM

As I get more and more distance from the situation with him and Malcolm, I�ve just become more and more disgusted with his actions. Between his insistence that he didn�t do anything wrong by sleeping with someone else, to treating everyone around him like they just don�t matter, I can�t find any justification for this behavior. To make matters worse, I�m now questioning my own judgement in all of this.

When I moved to Miami from NC, I left without giving Cedric a forwarding address or phone number, and I had every intention of completely ditching him. Our friendship had become completely toxic to me, and I really felt that removing myself from his life would eliminate that problem. However, I always wondered if I�d been too hard on him, and if my actions had been too drastic. When I ran into him in Atlanta, I was surprised by two things; 1) he and his partner were still together; and 2) he had a GOOD paying job, and seemed a bit more stable.

Looking back now, I saw that he was much more similar to the old Cedric than I wanted to admit, but he was still fun to go out with, so we started hanging out occasionally. He and his partner moved back to North Carolina, but we still stayed in touch. After visiting me a few times in Colorado, he jumped at the chance to move out here with his company, and that�s what started the chain of events that has me contemplating cutting him off, once again. Unfortunately, there�s much more at stake this time, including the fact that Matt and Malcolm are in the picture.

I truly believe that there is good in Cedric, and that�s what makes this decision all the more difficult to make. On top of that, I also feel slightly responsible for introducing Cedric to my friends here, and to just bow out and let them deal with the remnants of Hurricane Cedric isn�t fair, either. But most importantly, I don�t want to create a rift between Matt and Malcolm, should there be any fallout from my decision. So what to do? I�m at a loss�being around him will be very difficult, especially since I want to shake him senseless and beat COMMON sense back into him.

Harsh? Yeah. Deserved? I think so. Right? Probably not, and that's where my problem lies. How do I put this to rest in my own mind, and let the situation do what it will? I don�t have an answer for that at the moment.

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