05/25/2003 - 11:14 PM

RockyMtRangr: i'm having a crisis at the moment

EH: what

RockyMtRangr: Matt and I just passed the two month mark, and you know what happens with me and guys that last that long

EH: I know.. but what is puttin you into crisis mode?

RockyMtRangr: he's a great guy, but I'm finding reasons to break up

EH: why

RockyMtRangr: this is a hard one to describe...he comes across very elitist/snobbish at times. he's also argumentative for the sake of argument. he sees it as playful, but it doesn't hit me that way

RockyMtRangr: i'm also not extremely attracted to him sexually, now that we've been intimate on several occasions

EH: well.. then.. what do you want to do?

EH: you know whats right for you and if you are finding these things now they will get worse.. but you need to figure out if it is him or if it is you not wanting to be intimate

RockyMtRangr: I don't know...every one of my friends who has met him really likes him. and I like a lot about him. I'm just afraid that I throw good things away, including relationships

RockyMtRangr: i want to be intimate...i want to know someone intimately

RockyMtRangr: i need to figure out what's up for compromise, and what's not

EH: well.. i know you are a good judge of character.. but i also know you have a good head on your sholders.. well.. has it been like this from the get go or is it a new development

EH: there has to be compromise just dont compromise for the sake of compromise

RockyMtRangr: we started out very slow on the physical aspect, so that's a recent development. the "elitist" attitude has been there all along, but I notice it more now

RockyMtRangr: i agree

EH: then aske yourself this... does he make you happy..

EH: and what in the last 7 days has made you happy?

RockyMtRangr: at times

EH: more than say with steve?

RockyMtRangr: the cute card he gave me for our 2 month

RockyMtRangr: not more...but I don't know him that deeply yet, either

EH: its 2 months.. do you want to take it to the next level?

EH: or is that is what is freaking you out

EH: i personaly think you already know the answer... but

RockyMtRangr: I want to believe that he could be the one, but I think I already know that's not the case

RockyMtRangr: it just makes me sad...he's about as close as I've been in a LONG time

EH: see.. you hope that he is.. because you want him to be.. but i think you are right.. you will know who is mr right.. or the one.. etc...

EH: i know.. and thats something.. but you also dont need to be just having a bf because you are lonely and want one..

RockyMtRangr: I completely agree

EH: but im glad that he has you out and about doing things..you needed that.. just dont let it stop if you decide to not persue anything more deeply

EH: i mean really now.. not everyone can be me.. lol (joke)

RockyMtRangr: I know...I know...CW being here will be good for getting me out and about

RockyMtRangr: no...hermitage of THAT level is extremely hard to achieve ;-)

EH: thanks... so nice to be appreciated...lol

EH: but seriously.. i think you knew the answer to your crisis.. but i think that you have grown so much that intimacy isnt the problem.. or fear of for that matter or being hurt.. i think you are more than capabale to have what you want.. and you know what is right for you.

RockyMtRangr: talent that amazing needs to be acknowledged

RockyMtRangr: I am...and I don't need to have a bf at this point. Matt just got so close to what I'm looking for, but he's not quite it

RockyMtRangr: and my friends here are going to have a field day on me for this, but if they're true friends, they'll stand by me and understand that I know myself, and I know what is right for me

EH: trust me.. they will you may get harrased but hey... like they havent done the same thing too.

RockyMtRangr: yeah...but I seem to have gotten a reputation

EH: for?

EH: and i had nothing to do with it i cant be blamed

EH: nothing wrong with being picky.. and no one can fault you for being so

RockyMtRangr: being too picky

RockyMtRangr: TOO

EH: hey.. being picky just means you have a clear definition of what you want and are willing to settle for

RockyMtRangr: EH, you're one of the few people that actually GETS me

RockyMtRangr: you sure my mom's not paying you still?

EH: i know.. thats because we are two halfs of the same coin sometimes i think

RockyMtRangr: yeah...I know. I miss being around you

EH: nope.. havent received a check in weeks

EH: consider it free advice from someone that just wants you to be happy

RockyMtRangr: well, it works both ways.

I truly hate ending relationships...but I guess I've gotta do what I've gotta do. His family is in town, so I don't think anything will happen until next weekend, but it is coming.

UGH

What I'm Listening To: Not a DAMN thing

First Word That Comes To Mind: Resigned

What I'm Currently Reading: