03/03/2003 - 2:55 PM

Getting old SUCKS! But the worst part is that I'm only 33, and I've had this problem for years. Maybe I just need some good drugs to help me out. Or some kind of shock therapy...

"What did you go to the grocery store for?"

"I can't re..."

*BZAAAAAAAAAP*

"Mayo! IT WAS MAYO! MAKE IT STOP!"

That'll jog yer memory just a little bit. Too bad it's not helping me...

Oh wait...I REMEMBER!

For those of you who weren't around in the 70s, please bear with me. Pretend I'm talking about something unhip like, um, Wal-Mart clothes. Because back in the day, we had our unhip clothes, too. And a sole brand led the way in my world...

TOUGHSKINS

I'm sure the person that came up with that name was shooting for an image of rough-and-tumble, heavy-duty, takes-a-lickin jeans. Instead, they gave kids like me one more reason to hate the fact that we were poor. But it gets better, folks. Since they were kids clothes, they went in numeric sizes (12, 14, 16), and had a descriptor attached to them for the size of the kid. So if your kid was a stringbean, he might wear a 12 slim, but the big boys had a word so heinous, people are still in counseling for it to this day.

HUSKY

What kind of a sick mind thought that kids would be able to live with that without trauma of the highest degree? I guess that was just the 70s feeble attempt at being PC and not just saying "fat", but it backfired. I'm ALMOST past it, but the fact that I'm typing this entry proves that I haven't quite made it yet.

It's funny how much more important clothing is when you don't have a lot of it. Back in the third grade, someone played a prank on me and hid my winter coat. I was inconsolable...they had to take me to the principal's office and get my mom on the phone to help calm me down and reassure me that I wouldn't be in trouble. That picture is as vivid with me now as it was the day it happened...mom talking me through breathing, since I was practically hyperventilating. "Come on, Johnny...breathe with me. That's it...breathe with me." The woman was a genius.

Here's another little nugget that haunted me for years..."here comes Wrangler, and he's one tough customer, and he knows what he likes when he sees it." I actually answered to Wrangler for a while there because they used to torment me so much. Little kids can be SO damn mean. Worst thing was, I didn't help myself out, being the spaz and know-it-all that I was way back then. Not that anyone deserves that treatment, but I could have handled it SO much better.

Live and learn...

What I'm Listening To: Still Heather Headley

First Word That Comes To Mind: Jeans

What I'm Currently Reading: